How To Move On From
Childhood Control Dramas

What Is A Control Drama?

Control dramas are strategies all human beings use to get their way.  Because we live as if it is us against everything that is not us we need to have tactics that work to get what we want.

I am not so much talking about goods but more talking about attention
and behaviour from other people.

How Do We Do This?

We do this in lots of ways but primarily you will have learned at a young age what works.  Depending on the family environment or lack of one you will have adapted to the strategy that…

• got you attention that you liked
• reduced or removed the attention you did not like

You may have been conditioned and motivated to play the role of victim so that people will feel sorry for you…hopefully and their attention feels good.

You may have realized that when your are strong and tough people give you attention and it feels good.

You may have been a bit shy and separated yourself from others in an attempt to get others to notice you and come to you.

What Do I Do About This?

Firstly don’t see this manipulation as a bad thing.  We all do it because we don’t know any better.  Manipulation sounds like a dreadful trait but in reality it just means you do something to exert control on someone else or to try and ensure an outcome for yourself.

Secondly, like everything else just watch, notice and be gentle.  You have awareness and you will be able to catch your-self adopting one of the above strategies in your interactions with people.

It will be most obvious to you at the start probably to notice it when you are alone.  You will run conversations in your head imagining the other person there and you will be trying to get one up on them.  You might be playing ‘poor me, isn’t life harsh’ in your script.  Or you might be imagining yourself as the victor in a heated argument where you shoot the other person down in flames with your cleverness.

Just watch, notice and say to your-self ‘there it is again’.  It may take two weeks or it may take two years but eventually whatever control dramas you have used since childhood will drop away simply by watching and being conscious.